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Part II: Starting at the Top in Visual Studio .NET
Part II: Starting at the Top
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you The intensity and length of time she holds your eye influences the meaning of the gaze The following sections explain the different attitudes that a held gaze can mean Jennifer is a psychiatric doctor working in private practice A patient of hers, Dorothy, is an elderly woman who was diagnosed schizophrenic when she was in her late teens Dorothy has managed to live an active life through the use of medication and psychiatric treatment and many of her friends aren t aware of her illness One behaviour that Jennifer noticed about Dorothy is the way she stares at another person for long periods of time without speaking The look is difficult to read because of the blankness of the stare The look is unflinching and can be unnerving to people who aren t aware of the problem When a person holds your gaze she s telling you one of two things: She finds you attractive or interesting, or she may be feeling anger or hostility towards you and is offering you a non-verbal challenge How do you tell the difference Look at her pupils: In the first case, the pupils are dilated; in the second, the pupils are constricted
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To show interest
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You can demonstrate interest in what you re doing or saying by fixing your gaze directly on the person or object you re addressing for slightly longer than you may normally do The length and direction of your gaze tells anyone who s paying attention that you only have eyes for who and what you re looking at The moment you look at another person, you have given that person your attention Hold the look for more than two to three seconds and you imply that the person has grabbed your interest and has your permission to look back at you
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Who s watching who
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Some people find establishing and maintaining eye contact difficult and avert their eyes when speaking Others bore into their listeners with piercing eyes Because of the connective quality of the eyes the gateway to the soul as the saying goes it can be hard to gauge the other person if she refuses to meet your eye Research shows that when Westerners interact, they look at one another on average 61 per cent of the time The speaker looks at the listener between 40 60 per cent of the time, and the listener looks at the speaker approximately 75 per cent of the time People spend approximately 31 per cent of their time mutual gazing What this tells you is that if someone looks at you more or less than usual, something s going on that s impacting her response The average gaze for an individual lasts 295 seconds and the average mutual gaze is 18 seconds However, in Japan, the Middle East, and some Asian and South American cultures, prolonged eye contact is perceived as hostile or discourteous
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5: The Eyes Have It
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Lizzie went to an art fair with her friends, Frank and Peter Their taste in art South American contemporary with a twist was very different from Lizzie s, whose preferences tended toward Monet and John Singer Sargent Lizzie was uninterested in most of the paintings her friends were admiring Not wanting to appear bored or dismissive of their taste, Lizzie forced herself to look at the paintings for longer than she would normally have done Not only did Frank and Peter believe that Lizzie was enjoying the art, she discovered that by giving the work extra eye time she began to appreciate it in a way she previously hadn t Although she didn t want it in her home, she recognised how other people could value it In social situations focus your gaze on the triangular area between your listener s eyes and mouth You re perceived as non-threatening and interested
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