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Claiming your space in .NET
Claiming your space
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When you enter a negotiation, you need to claim your space right from the beginning If you don t, the competition is going to have you for breakfast Claiming your space means that you re taking responsibility for yourself and your actions It means that you act as though you ve got the right to be where you are, doing what you re doing When you walk into a space and make it your own, you re telling anyone who s watching that this territory s yours and woe betide anyone who tries to take it away from you Dogs spend much of their time marking out their territory in order to let the rest of the pack know that they ve been there It s the same with people You just mark your territory differently, hopefully You have to let people know that you ve been there, you own this space, and you re to be taken seriously Someone who claims his space successfully acts as if he belongs there His gestures appear fluid, his posture s upright, and he engages in eye contact with ease He sends out positive signals indicating that he s comfortable and in control
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14: Interviewing, Influencing, and Playing Politics Getting acquainted with the environment
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One way of demonstrating that the space you re in belongs to you, is to make contact with an item in the area Say, for example, that you ve been invited to speak at an event attended by many influential people, some of whom you know, others you don t You want to appear confident and in control To do that, follow these suggestions for getting comfortable in the space and making it your own: Walk into the room where the negotiation is taking place as if you own the space Move with purpose and authority Pull your chair out and sit down without waiting to be invited Place your notes and pen in front of you confidently and authoritatively Establish eye contact and open the discussion clearly and concisely Tracy is a highly qualified and respected lawyer Practising for her partnership interview, Tracy felt nervous, awkward, as though she didn t belong She fidgeted with her clothes, avoided eye contact, and played with her jewellery I began to shift her behaviour by asking her to practise entering the room and taking her seat at the table in front of the imaginary panel Before Tracy sat, she let her hands rest on the top of the chair s back as if staking her claim to that seat By making contact with this object, she established a sense of ownership with the room Her nerves steadied, and she gained an appearance of confidence and credibility
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Choosing a good seat
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Arrive at the meeting early enough so that you can pick your spot Sitting facing the door gives you the upper hand Research shows that people seated with their backs to the door experience stress, increased blood pressure, and shallow, rapid breathing as the body prepares itself for a possible attack from behind Save this weak and defensive position for your competition Give yourself the stronger position and sit facing into the room with your back away from the door
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Filling your space
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People who fill their space look more commanding and in control This is a challenge for small or slim people, who can be devoured by space The following tips can help people of smaller stature appear more in command of their territory: Hold your elbows slightly out from your sides, when standing, or sitting (People who hold their arms close to their bodies look subservient, timid, and fearful)
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Part IV: Putting the Body into Social and Business Context
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When seated behind a table, lean forward, letting your hands rest lightly on the table Alternatively, allow your elbows to rest on the table, pointing out to the sides, or place your lower arms on the table s surface Whatever you do, never pull your arms in close by your sides at a meeting To do so reduces your stature and diminishes your influence Big people also need to consider the amount of space they fill Large people lolling about, ambling along, and spreading themselves across their space, can be perceived as invasive This doesn t mean that you should draw your shoulders and arms in towards yourself Just be aware that you take up more space than smaller people and that you may need to adjust your position to allow others in To avoid overwhelming others with your large presence, contain your gestures, making them concise and precise
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